I loved this movie as it was beautifully portrayed the relationship between an awkward father and his two growing daughters. Though I believe that the death could have been handled better by Stanley, but considering his personality and the circumstances, I felt it had a perfect ending.
The Stages of Grief
1. Denial and Isolation
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| Stanley started to ponder his reality and took the day off work |
In most cases, when people hear the death of their loved ones, they start to deny the reality of the situation (Axelrod, 2017). They block out the words and hide from the facts. Upon hearing the death of his wife, Grace, Stanley just sat on his couch and took a day off work. He wanted to isolate himself from reality, he wanted to deny it (Axelrod, 2017). Hence, when a kindly neighbour gave his family casserole, he did not allow his children to eat it, as eating it would mean to accept the truth that his wife is dead. Stanley's defense mechanism kicked in. He was in denial as he even withhold from telling his children the truth, and wanted to buy more time by bringing them out.
Stanley was also in denial as he kept calling home to listen to the sound of Grace's voice over the voicemail. He even left messages as though she was at home, the place where she is supposed to always be.
2. Anger
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| He cried his heart out while his children are absent |
As reality begins to hit and the masking reality of denial and isolation begins to wear off, the individual affected by the death starts to get angry (Axelrod, 2017). Their anger may be aimed at anything or anyone, be it at inanimate objects or at people. Reality hits Stanley when he is at his mother's house. Filled with grief, he sobs on his bed and curls up, trying to find some comfort from his actions. However, unable to accept the intense emotions, he vents his sadness and anger (Axelrod, 2017) at his brother, John. Stanley could have just explained his decisions and his thoughts, but his intense feelings became deflected into anger; thus, he chose to yell at his brother. Stanley immediately hugs his brother after, indicating how affected he is by the death of Grace.
3. Bargaining
This is the stage where the person affected will be plagued with thoughts such as "What if.." and "If only.." (Axelrod, 2017). They start wishing for the alternatives. They feel vulnerable and helpless, and wished for to prevent their loss and to regain control of their frustrating situation (Axelrod, 2017). Stanley wishes that he was the one sent to Iraq instead. He wished he had died in his wife place, because the children would be better off in her care.
4. Depression
Stanley was filled with sadness and regret (Axelrod, 2017). He began to realise that Grace's loss and the effect of her death to his and his children's life. Yes, Grace was hardly home and it seemed like the routine would remain the same, but prior to Grace's death, Stanley and the children had hope that their mother would return. However, after Grace's death, Stanley realised that he had no one to give him parenting advice or advice on how to take care of two growing girls.
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| Perfect day at Enchanted Gardens |
It could be assumed that Stanley regretted that during his grief (Axelrod, 2017), he had spent less time with his two daughters. He realised that he was emotionally distant. Though he was an awkward man with only an army experience, he started to put in more effort to be with his children. Hence, he starts talking to Heidi and wants to know more about why she is unable to sleep during the night. Also, he offers to keep Heidi company during nights when she is unable to sleep. Stanley starts being emotionally and physically available (Axelrod, 2017), as well as starts being more warm towards his children. This is why during the day at Enchanted Gardens, Stanley joined his daughters in all the rides and had fun with them.
5. Acceptance
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| Postponing the inevitable |
In my opinion, Stanley only finally accepted Grace's death when he told Heidi and Dawn the news at the beach. This is because, prior to that, Stanley was reluctant to leave Enchanted Gardens as he was hesitant to tell his children the sad news about their mother. It could also possibly be that Stanley himself had not fully accepted her death and needed more time to come to terms with it (Axelrod, 2017). However, seeing his children break down and cry only made the death of his wife more real. and then he began to accept his reality. Stanley was there for his children and his children for him, as comfort.
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| They had each other |
The three of them starts moving on with life as can be seen with the beautifully written eulogy by Grace. I believe all of them truly moved on when they stood in front of Grace's grave, waiting for Dawn's watch to go off, indicating that Grace was on the same time with them, probably from heaven.
References
Axelrod, J. (2017) The 5 stages of grief and loss. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/
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